


Doomed and Broken

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Doomed Timelines, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Happy Ending, Suicidal Thoughts, angst and confusion, angst is all i can write, heahahaaa, whooops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-10
Updated: 2014-04-10
Packaged: 2018-01-18 20:25:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1441702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At first you were hopeful, to put it in simple terms. You believed you could beat this game, you could actually get through what was supposed to be the end of the world, the creation of the universe and the death of everything living, all packed into one toxic disk that you just had to run on your crappy computer. No one knew what to expect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Doomed and Broken

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes I write stupid shit.

At first you were hopeful, to put it in simple terms. You believed you could beat this game, you could actually get through what was supposed to be the end of the world, the creation of the universe and the death of everything living, all packed into one toxic disk that you just had to run on your crappy computer. No one knew what to expect.

The first timeline you created bought about possibilities, bought about the thought that you could actually _be_ someone that would be noticed and you could achieve so much. And by the time you reached twelve alternate timelines you were well into the rich zone. Then it started getting dark and you had no idea what you were doing. You would have to dispose of your own dead body, leaving you with a foul metallic taste in your mouth. You were unable to kill yourself. And in doing so, you got that version of yourself killed without him coming back from the dead like he was supposed to.

When you had to go back in time you felt as if you had just fucked up, that you seriously just messed up because now you have to redo it all over again because this one fucking troll decided to try and boost John’s ego and tell him to go beat the boss that would be his killer. Bro’s death hurt, yeah, you’ll admit that. The sight of the man who had raised you, dead, sword stabbed straight through him, blood leaking out, it hurt. You refused to acknowledge the hurt. And when Rose knocked you out to stop you from following her, to stop you from killing both yourself _and_ her, you were determined to prove yourself.

Becoming God Tier only meant that you wouldn’t die, not that any Dave’s from an alternate timeline couldn’t die. But even then, God Tiers _can_ die, **_if_** their death is heroic. You understand most of the reasons an alternate version dies. You’ve died countless times, and every time it happened, you felt it. You could feel the bullets tearing through your chest, you could feel the dagger cutting your throat, you could feel every single way you died, in one timeline or another. You inherit the information they knew, the events that took place to divert them from the Alpha timeline.

So when you come across the death of an alternate Dave, defending Karkat from the black devilbeast after he had caught up with the meteor, you were absolutely shocked. Because it was the first time you had died as a God Tier, because you died saving someone else, because _that_ Dave was able to make a split second decision in order to save the angry shouty troll instead of himself.

Rose noticed your change in persona first. When she questioned you about it you brushed her off with the excuse of having a nightmare that really hit home hard. She allowed it to slide this time. But when she found you deep in your thoughts, so deep that her voice and her hand waving in front of your face didn’t wake you from your day dream, she had to slap you to snap you out of it. You spilled that you found out an alternate Dave sacrificed himself to save Karkat. Rose simply didn’t understand what you were so worked up about, simply suggested you confront Karkat with these events.

You stupidly listened to her advice. That’s how you ended up talking to Karkat, dancing around the topic and finding yourself right back where you started, trying to tell him what has been bothering you. You could say it, it was right on the tip of your tongue, just spit it out, he can understand, he _will_ understand.

You talk to him about how Can Town is running out of cans instead. And about halfway through that conversation you’re alerted of another timeline’s death. In the future. He told Karkat about the death of the other timeline and you find all this new information about Karkat that you never knew. You also find that Gamzee had gotten jealous of you getting too close to Karkat’s pale quadrant and had decided to be done with you.

You escape as quickly as you can. Over to Can Town because there is nowhere better than Can Town. Terezi’s busy rearranging some cans, trying to make a prison for the culprits. You distract yourself with helping her and drawing and just overall enjoying yourself. At least, as best you can. Of course that’s when you feel another timeline go _fuck this_ and disintegrate along with the blood you can feel seeping out of phantom cuts on your wrists.

This time it’s the cracking of your head on the tiled floor that pulls you out of your shock, the figure of an angry Karkat looming over you and screaming at you. You’re shocked and afraid, not of Karkat, or even Terezi who is staring at you, frightened, she’s never seen you so out of it. Rose appears in the hall with Kanaya at her side. That’s all of the meteor’s residents, aside from the clown in the vents. And you realise you’re staring at the wall aimlessly the moment Karkat sharply slaps the top of your head.

And you break, that’s really the only way you can describe it, you break and reach out, grab hold of Karkat’s pants’ leg, something that’s real and attached to someone living and breathing. He freezes mid-sentence and everything’s too silent. And just because fate really likes you as its play thing you’re hit with another doomed timeline, one in which you see Karkat curled up and hiding, all his other teammates dead and Gamzee the only one left, the one who did most of the killing.

Everyone’s fussing over you by the time you realise you’re lying on your side, unblinking. The only way they could tell you were alive being your heartbeat and your breath. They fuss and tell you to lie back down when you get to your feet, but this isn’t what you want. You force Rose to release your shoulders and make your way out of the room. You don’t need someone to babysit you.

Forty nine deaths. At some point of time in your life and your alternate lives you have died forty nine times. And hey, why not make it fifty so Karkat doesn’t go OCD on your ass when he finally finds your corpse buried in some graveyard years later. But you can’t do it and you’re left staring at a mirror which glares right back at you.

You forcibly remove yourself from the bathroom, collecting yourself as soon as you pass through the doorframe and into the bedroom you occupy, shades in one hand, bag hefted over your shoulder with the other. With your sunglasses in place on your face you slip out of the apartment, beginning to make your way to school, like you usually do. You hope with some splinter of your broken body that today is the day you find someone you recognize, that Jade or John or Rose or Kanaya or, fuck it, _Karkat_ finds you and you can find a shoulder to cry on for the first time.

Today is the day. The few people who put up with your presence hang around with you in your classes, chatter at break like always until Lunch hits. And somehow, somewhere, a timeline is still striving for the light at the end of the tunnel. Until today, which is when it breaks apart, falls into pieces of nothingness. Of course it happened when you were halfway through a sentence with your friends.

You ended up reliving that timeline for the last minute or so.

You double check the bodies, just to try and hear a heart beating, just to try and feel a breath of air from the mouths that leak blood. The beast looms over you, green skulled face staring down with a malicious expression as it prepares to stomp you flat. Some instinct for survival kicks into gear and you flashstep out of the way, staggering from fatigue once you arrive there. Green and red and teal and purple mix into misconceptions of colourful paintings by a child as a nauseous feeling builds up in your stomach.

It looks back at you with those eyes that change colour and number and pattern design until you realize that this is how it was supposed to be. Unable to go back in time without killing yourself from exhaustion you keep your blade at the ready, waiting for LE to get closer before you stab at the single foot it has. The monster merely laughs at your attempts to hurt it, kicking you away and onto your side. That’s how it all ended. With you on your side, staring up at the monster with defeat as it’s foot came crashing down, absolutely shattering your body beneath it.

The shouting of your name and the feeling of being crowded snaps you back into reality. You barely spot the faces of nearly all the kids in the cafeteria staring down at you before you panic and flashstep away. Everyone’s shocked and you slide down against the wall on the other side of the room, sighing tiredly and feeling tears prick at your eyes. The other teens are beginning to make their way over to you before you hear a voice cut through the air, sharp and piercing, calling your name.

Your head snaps up instantly and the figure of what you can instantly recognise as Karkat-esque is already running towards you, a glare sent at the oncoming people, including your friends. You choke and simply sit on the floor as he crouches in front of you, speaks of reassuring praises. All you can think is that he looks so different, he’s so human, he’s still Karkat. You end up dragging him into a tight embrace, Karkat growling that you hit his head against the wall, that you’re going to pay for that, even as he holds you in return.

The timelines don’t matter, the timelines don’t matter, the trolls are still alive, everyone’s still alive. No more games, no more SBurb, no more torture and terror. No more Knight of Time.


End file.
